LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING
THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS
rub me on your body
ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT
IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.
i’m so fucked up
AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN
I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.
This post is my life force
note to self: make an audio post of this
WHERE IS THE AUDIO POST!???
but berreh D:
So I learned from my friend that coconut water can be used as an emergency blood transfusion, and of course my first thought was “So, can a vampire drink coconut water?”
and of course we had this idea of these tropical vampires being horrified when these old world vampires come and are still drinking blood like some sort of monster.
guys oh my god
Fast Horse Brony Con print!
This can be found at table 804!
this mothafucking cat just got so scared it ran on water wtf
horror movie synopsis
- white family moves into house
- the house got some shit in it
- family refuses to acknowledge that they got some shit in they house
- turns out that shit is some ultrashit
"Even the scary ones?"
Double points to anyone who knows what this is referencing.
Also something quick for all of you, the update that I’m taking time on is coming up soon.
The guy who has no idea how brooms work:
This guy that is pretty sure he was just kicked:
This guy who has no control over his arm movements:
Look at this image. This image was sent to me via text message by my friend Connor earlier today. The caption was “I cannot even HANDLE this” and I was very confused. You can’t read the text in the photo, so what on earth is this? I looked at the squares of color for a moment, completely mystified about what on earth they were supposed to be, maybe the text was supposed to give context to the squares and Connor had simply made an error. And then it hit me.
The squares of color are the classic Constanza.jpg meme broken down into it’s most basic of details. Based on nothing more than the colors, I was able to recognize his skin, shirt, the blue of fence behind him and conjure an image in my mind of the intended source material.
Pointillism is an art movement that was born out of impressionism. It is characterized by dots of color applied in very specific patterns to display the suggestion of the subject material.
The above image is from Seurat’s classic Un dimanche après-midi à l’Île de la Grande Jatte. There is very little precise detail in the image. Instead, Seurat applies small groupings of colored dots to show the viewer a man’s mustache or the the brim of a hat.
By applying this knowledge to Costanza.jpg, we can conclude that the image the Connor sent to me earlier could possibly be classified as a pointillist meme.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if All Your Base and the Dancing Baby were the birth of the meme, and things like Advice Dog and Rickroll were the Renaissance, then we have finally reached impressionist memes and I for one cannot wait for the abstract.